The Drive to Aim High Read online

  Summary of the Observation Mindset

  Diogenes is said to have observed, “We have two ears and one tongue so that we would listen more and talk less.” The observation mindset is exactly that: watching, listening, and absorbing all that you see. It’s about not making judgments, but rather watching and listening, as long as possible, to gain deep, rich understanding that you can use to dramatically evolve. It’s about being mindful.

  The mindset starts with listening and watching what others both do and say without judging. Until you have spent time patiently listening to the words and watching actions of others, you can’t significantly benefit from what you observe. So, be patient. Take what you see and hear and store these away. Create a stockpile of knowledge, like a squirrel hides nuts, until you have gathered enough data to then develop insights.

  Insights are hard to gain, but they are what gives us information. Over time, knowledge is obtained, which is the combination of experience blended with information. Then, eventually, as you develop your observation skills, you will obtain deep wisdom. This is the path where the observation mindset will lead you - to the place where your patience and persistence pays off.

  In the professional world, the observation mindset further leads you to create ongoing business value. No matter how much data, how many numbers, or how many facts you gather, without spending time to aggregate, synthesize, and organize the findings from your observations, you will not realize the full range of insights you learned from developing the observation mindset.

  Observing how others achieve success is critical to both our survival and ability to thrive, what I term thrival. By observing what others are doing to achieve success regularly, you can then leverage the best of what you observe. This is perhaps the most important part of the observation mindset. It allows you to leverage everything from the thoughts, actions, and career paths of other top-performing achievers so that you can develop your own unique, successful roads to success.

  As I stated earlier in this chapter, as a very young boy owning little to nothing, the gifts I received in life started with the words of wisdom I received daily from my mother and my elders. With nothing in the way of receiving daily wisdom on how to live my life authentically and transparently, I realize now that I had one of the best learning environments a young person could have.

  Through developing the observation mindset, I set myself on a path to embracing the simple and most powerful lessons life has to offer - the lessons of how best to connect with others, embrace their wisdom, and then integrate it into my daily life so that it is always there to serve me as needed.

  As a result of my eagerness to learn rather than argue with my elders, I found my path to success not as rocky as that of others who resist their advice. Instead, I found myself constantly learning and growing. Even when conflicts came my way, I was able to move through them because I had stored wisdom from my daily observations as to how my elders handled difficulties.

  Take, for example, Sir Alex Ferguson, who is widely regarded as one of the greatest football managers of all time. In his book, Leading, he credits watching and learning through the actions and leadership of others among his most valuable leadership practices. He shares in his book:

  "You can see a lot more when you are not in the thick of things . . . when you are a step removed from the fray, you see things that come as surprises - and it is important to allow yourself to be surprised. When I stepped back and watched from the sidelines, my field of view was widened and I could absorb the whole session, as well as pick up on players’ moods, energy and habits.”

  When leaders talk less, listen more, and then intentionally watch closely what is going on around them, they immediately begin to see subtle yet vital details, nuances that enable them to lead more effectively.

  Albert Bandura, the David Starr Jordan Professor Emeritus of Social Science in Psychology at Stanford University, offers the following four stages of observational learning you can use to build this mindset:

  Attention to something that is happening

  Retention of what is happening

  Reproduction of what you saw

  Motivation that sets the stage for continuous learning from what one has observed.

  Working from this framework, you can begin developing the observation mindset to further your success.

  Steps to Integrate the Observation Mindset into Your Daily Life

  Think of a time when you observed the way other people acted. This could have been your parents, your siblings, your friends, or your teachers. What opinions did you form from your observations? For example, did they reach out to you when you needed support or protection? Did you observe your grandparents who always made sure they brought you treats your parents would not allow, and you felt special because they took the time to bring you your favorite things? Or in contrast, have you observed your mother and father arguing, or your siblings cheating at games? What did you decide you would do in similar situations as a result of your observations? What did you observe that made you want to succeed?

  Ask yourself, “What did I learn from those experiences?” By learning from past experiences, we prepare ourselves for future success. We expand our personal experiences when we effectively and intentionally take notice of what is happening around us, from observing our surroundings and the daily routines of others to insights gleaned from people of great intelligence or who have amazing skills, like athletes.

  Practice mindfulness. Mindfulness is simply a way of watching yourself, your actions, your emotions - the way you respond to others, or how you live. Becoming an observer of yourself means becoming aware of your feelings, your thoughts, and all the subtle things that make you, you. So many of our reactions and responses to people, events, upsets, delays, and actions are automatic. They “just happen,” only they really don’t. Every emotion is preceded by a thought, often so rapid a thought we deny we thought anything at all.

  Once you learn to step back from your emotions and to search inside for your thoughts, you will notice them. When you recognize your thought about a situation, you can change it. When you change how you think about something, you change your emotions and how you respond to a thing. A mindfulness practice is a simple way to quickly develop the observation mindset.

  There are many excellent books on mindfulness that can help you. It is not a religion or religious practice, although some people use it in their faith. It is a way of becoming aware or conscious about something in our lives. When we start a new diet, for instance, we become very mindful (aware) of what we’re eating, how hungry we feel, and how we react to temptation.

  Start consciously observing people. Once you have gotten used to watching yourself, begin to watch those around you. It’s easier if you go to a mall, airport, or other heavily trafficked public venue where people are less likely to notice you studying them, or to care. Most shoppers walk around in their own little world. You don’t have to do anything. Just watch. Who do they talk to? What gets their attention? How do they walk? Purposefully, like they have a destination, or slowly, like they are meandering with no destination? Your goal is not to judge them, but to sharpen your powers of observation. For instance, what do you look for to determine if a person has a destination, or not? Can you tell who is waiting on someone, or just resting on a bench? Can you tell who is a young couple in love, or who has been in a long-term relationship? You will be surprised what you already know about observing people once you do it consciously.

  Solve a problem. Many young children, especially those who are extremely curious, will take something apart just to understand what makes it tick. They may destroy a toy, or an appliance (like a toaster, or computer) just to see how it works. Don’t scold them. They are developing their observation mindset. Work with them to ensure they have appropriate things to explore, and join them.

  Being curious and exploring things through observation is part of developing the observation mindset. Another way you can do this is through a
sking questions. As children, many of us were curious about everything happening around us. As we grew up and people stopped answering our questions, we learned to either find out the answers for ourselves, or we stopped asking so many questions. The next time you are stopped by something you don’t understand, Google it. Watch some YouTube videos about it. Observe. Learn. Imitate.

  Adopt the Golden Rule: do unto others what you would have them do unto you. Learn to observe better by using your daily life as the lab for gaining the rich insights that the observation mindset lends you. So, for example, the next time you’re in a restaurant, a bank, or a business meeting, or on an airplane, wherever and whenever you have an opportunity to observe the actions and words of others, take the time. Engage with those people. Ask open-ended questions, such as, “How is your day going?” There are immediate and long-term benefits to implementing this mindset. People who build relationships with those in their neighborhood - people you see daily at the store or dry cleaners, or in your office building - live longer and have happier lives. You are connected. Now you have even more opportunities to implement the observation mindset.

  Learn someone’s name and use it to connect with them as you observe them. This is one of the most authentic and beautiful ways you can honor someone. This makes them feel important. This also opens up the hearts of those you meet, giving you much more to observe and learn from them.

  02

  THE POSSIBILITY MINDSET

  “Man often becomes what he believes himself to be. If I keep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain thing, it is possible that I may end by really becoming incapable of doing it. On the contrary, if I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning.”

  ― Mahatma Gandhi

  Babies’ brains are impacted more in their first five years of life than in all the years following. During these years, parents play the most important role in their lives. This is a major reason why the possibility mindset can be taught at an early age.

  This possibility mindset is all about believing you can accomplish almost any task, achieve almost any goal, and continuously create opportunities even when your friends, family, coworkers, and others tell you that what you seek to accomplish is not possible. The possibility mindset gives you the courage to grow, to really go for your goals even if you are fearful of failing.

  The possibility mindset also helps you to accept the hard work it often takes to achieve your goals. The possibility mindset is like the kindling that ignites a fire. The base of this mindset is about creating the expectation that you will indeed reach your goals.

  Fortunately for me, hard work was something I took for granted. From my youngest years, helping my mother with her daily errands and then keeping my daily commitments to my adoptive family, I realized that my hard work could translate into bigger possibilities for my life. I embraced that insight.

  But, the possibility mindset does not look at why things won’t work. Rather it looks at how and why they can and will work. There is an American story about two young brothers who both wanted a horse for Christmas. They are each led to a barn with two stalls. One received a horse, the other a pile of horse manure 10 feet high. This horse manure fills the stall. The brother who is given the stall with the manure is excited, and immediately grabs a shovel and starts digging. His brother asks him why he is so excited. The boy replies, “With this much horse manure, there’s got to be a pony here somewhere!” The possibility mindset doesn’t look at what doesn’t exist, but what can exist.

  Additionally, the possibility mindset helps you when a new idea, thought, or situation is presented to see a myriad of possibilities that might potentially be available to you. With this mindset you don’t have to limit yourself to obvious outcomes. Instead, you realize and take advantage of many options. You know you will find that light at the end of the tunnel. You are open to unexpected, great surprises that can come your way when you steadily hold this mindset.

  Accelerating Innovation by Using the Possibility Mindset

  I believe it’s possible to accelerate the progress of innovation through use of the possibility mindset. This is exemplified in a quote by Albert Einstein: “Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited, whereas imagination embraces the entire world, stimulating progress, giving birth to evolution.” The reasoning behind this quote is that knowledge only informs us of what is currently the case, and therefore it is limited. Imagination, on the other hand, gives birth to what could be.

  Another example of innovation being accelerated via the possibility mindset took place in the mid-1800s when the city of Chicago was challenged by an unusual situation with its sewage system. Chicago is and was at that time, a low-lying city, and therefore, water simply didn’t drain out of it. Digging was not a viable solution as it would be extremely difficult and cost-prohibitive. An uncommon solution was definitely needed, but not readily apparent.

  Fortunately, George Pullman, a young engineer who had the possibility mindset came up with the requisite pathway to solve this major issue. Rather than digging, Pullman found ways to elevate the buildings by the use of jackscrews. Then, when the structures were lifted, they added timber for extra support. Next, they constructed new foundations for the buildings prior to lowering them back to their original positions. The amazing thing was that this enormous undertaking took place without interrupting business in the buildings.

  This incredible feat of engineering was achieved because George Pullman utilized his own possibility mindset, the ability to create, consider, and seek out new, and sometimes, previously unheard of and nontraditional methodologies.

  How I Built My Possibility Mindset

  When my first step-parents decided to leave Liberia for the US, I was granted the chance to remain in Monrovia with my second adoptive family. With the blessing of my birth parents, it was my big opportunity to move forward. This time, I had a powerful step-mother to admire, to observe, and learn from.

  My second step-mother was Minnie Louise Greene, widow of former Liberian Vice President James E. Greene. I was the fourth member of my second adoptive family, as my step-mother already had three nieces in her care. While being part of my former (second) family of the Republic of Liberia wasn’t included in the plan set out by my birth parents, it was a critical event that changed my life. Had it not taken place, my life wouldn’t have taken me later to an unknown destination that had such a positive impact on my life.

  Perhaps, I had been just lucky, or perhaps, as Douglas MacArthur observed, “The best luck of all is the luck you make for yourself.” With their decision to send me away to get an education, my birth parents initiated my luck. Now, it was up to me to make the best of my next new family situation. If I were unable to do that, I would let them down and have to return to my village.

  While living with the Greenes, one of the primary lessons I learned was to value education, always. The first house rule was that education came first. The focus was on learning. The second house rule was to attend church every Sunday. There was no playtime until we returned from church.

  I was in the third grade when I arrived at my second adoptive family. Education being the most important requirement for my step-mother, I began taking tutoring classes immediately. During that year, I soon realized that the school level that I had been enrolled in was very low. I found myself actually above the level of my class.

  I was not the only one to realize my own evolution. My teacher who had been with me from the first grade also recognized my development.

  When explaining to him that I had moved to a new family and was having daily tutoring classes at home, he promised me that he would promote me to a higher grade if I kept up the hard work, maintained my discipline, and obtained good marks. Consequently, at the end of the school year, he promoted me to the fifth grade, instead of the fourth grade. It was a huge step forward for me. He had given me the courage to believe in mys
elf and to see possibilities to advance in my education.

  My Wise Step-mother

  Besides the many friends and relatives that visited my step-mother, she also constantly had many important people coming over to the house. Later on, in my life, I figured out they came to seek advice, consultation, or perhaps to simply pay their respects to her. I used to observe her, admiring her manners and wisdom. I used the observation mindset and then enriched my awareness with the first seeds of the possibility mindset.

  As I was observing and growing in understanding, this time I was also believing and working towards a better future. Having such an exemplary stepmother’s footsteps to fill, I set my second goal in life - to become a leader, a mentor, and a coach. My step-mother was leading by example, and I, too, wanted to become someone to whom others could come for advice, to consult with or discuss issues that most matter to them, or to simply share their life experiences.

  Although I was a village child and the newest member of the family, I was noticed a lot. Why? Because I was grateful. I followed advice, and when asked to perform a task, I did my best while also being attentive to those around me. My duties in the house were fewer compared to the chores I was responsible for during my stay with my first adoptive family. This time, I mostly served guests whenever we had visitors.

  Interestingly, it just so happened that one of those guests became my next adoptive father. I was responsible for ironing his clothes and shining his shoes during his stay at the house, which he appreciated very much, just like he approved of my attitude and manners.